For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Is Enuf ~ I (HEART) Retail Therapy

For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow Is Enuf

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My Ode to Brown Girls...Well, to One Brown Girl in Particular

I was saddened to find out that the creator of For Brown Girls (www.forbrowngirls.com) passed away last week. I was even more saddened to hear that she took her own life. Contemplating the despair and loneliness she must've felt during those last hours are too much to bear, especially when she breathed so much life into the rest of us Brown Girls.

I didn't know Karyn personally, I just followed her blog and her amazing movements, like her #DarkSkinRedLipProject in reaction to ASAP Rocky's comment that dark girls shouldn't wear red lipstick.

Karyn was a phenomenal young woman and her blog was a space...a piece of cyberspace, where brown girls of all hues and nationalities could read articles and share stories and learn to love and accept themselves unconditionally in a world that tells them- they are not pretty and desirable. "Your hair is too nappy, your skin too dark, your lips too full, and your butt's too big." The same world that invents curly perms, gets spray tans, and offers lip and butt injections...but that is another story entirely.

Here this tiny beautiful brown girl with a big voice and a bigger spirit, whom saved masses of brown girls, encouraged them and gave them confidence in themselves...couldn't save herself. Nor could we save HER. I'm going to let you in on a little secret...all this "strong Black Woman" talk is crap. Most Black Women are forced into this role, usually with no support, and fewer options. We would like to be taken care of, called beautiful, see our faces on the runways and in magazines, coddled and caressed and oohed and aahed over like every other woman on the planet. Sojourner Truth summed it up perfectly,

Ain't I A Woman

"Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about? That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman?

Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?

Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?

Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him. If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them. Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say."

Powerfully profound and yet, here we are, 163 years later and who helps us in our carriages or lifts us over mud puddles? Even when we try to celebrate our beautiful Black selves, the very act causes controversy. When BET aired it's Black Girls Rock event, the #WhiteGirlsRock hashtag started trending on Twitter, along with the usual nasty tweets that people send out for the world to see within the comfort and protection of their own homes. I agree that all girls rock, my dear white friends, but you see, every day is White Girls Rock. On TV, in magazines, in videos (even rap videos), on the runways, in the movies, on beauty products, on famous black mens arms, and even the dolls we play with. If you don't believe me, please check out Olivia Cole's article "Why I Am Not Here for #WhiteGirlsRock here, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/olivia-cole/why-im-not-here-for-white_b_4214132.html. Maybe you'll take the word of one of your own more so than my own.

With that said, it is hard for us, and we have to snatch what little happiness and fabulousness we can. I won't get apocalyptic because things are improving...slowly...over the last, I don't know...century and a half...but we're still not there yet. So when this beautifully brown young woman raises her voice for the voiceless, disenfranchised and invisible, and makes each of us feel understood and respected, it is truly amazing. It is awe inspiring...it is phenomenal, wonderful, great...truly a thing to behold.

Only our beautiful brown voice needed to be loved too. She needed all of us, or at the very least one of us, to hold her hand and help her over the mud puddles. While I am far too late in expressing my awe and gratitude to Karyn, I am saying/writing it now with the all the conviction I have. She was something special...and she was loved. If only she knew it too.

As I look into the eyes of my own beautiful brown baby girl, I am reminded of Karyn and aware that my job to instill self love and confidence in my girl will be an uphill battle in a world that labels our features "exotic" and "abnormal"; while turning cosmetic procedures to imitate our "abnormality" into a commodity. But I will not and can not give up for my beautifully brown, kinky, curly baby girl. And for that determination, I owe Karyn the most sincerest thank you.

May you rest in eternal peace, beautiful brown girl!

“Dipped in chocolate, bronzed in elegance, enameled with grace, toasted with beauty. My lord, she's a black woman.” -Dr. Yusef Ben Jochanan